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Shannon L. "Goofy" Cogswell

My New Life
On March 18, 2002 my life went to hell,
Hell is here
I don't know how to live this life in hell
It was never the live I lived

I don't have the friends I had before
I don't have the life I had before

Hell is being almost 20 years old and having a curfew
My parents have more say now then they did when I was 16
I can't talk to my family like I could before
I had graduated from high school
I had passed into adulthood
I was given a bunch of things at my graduation
That I took down to school with me

I lost hope my parents had in me
Hope for education
Trust in me
Now it was a story of losses that doctors told

It was all taken away by black ice and a semi
My tears refect my frustration

I had come so far in my life and suddenly it was taken away
Faster than someone could snap their fingers

With all the frustration I am feeling now
I keep trying to point it at my family
None of us know how to deal with this type of injury or loss
I couldn't see that it wasn't my family that was taking away my independance, it was the accident
Like Joanna it felt like it was my family taking things from me, instead of the ice and semi
She is the one who is perfect to ask
She has been through it, she knows

Why does my brother think I have done this 180 and now he's doing all the chores?
Anytime we fight the finger is pointed at him
They used to do that to me when Jerry was just a little kid
He was just learning and I would get frustrated

Now he is in that boat
I can see his point of view
His older sister died and now she's back
Everything is different

Their little girl died
They don't want to go through this again
That's why they're being extra cautious
I have to step back to try to see their point of view
It would be the most torturous thing to happen in any parents' lifetime

As much as I want to go back to Eastern
This year here will help me get closer to where I was before
Closer to the other real me
Before the black ice and semi

When I am back
My friends there can meet me
And know that though a few aspects of me have changed
It won't be as drastic

We've always known there are black bears, and
A new discovery shows there are white black bears
I have these sides of me I didn't even know were there

Before I wanted to be an English teacher/professor or a lawyer, I don't know how to get back to that
It is frustrating and confusing all mixed up in one pot
I don't know how to cook it, serve it, or eat it

When I do take a real step back and look at things
I understand things a little more
Over time I can understand
People are caring not just being assholes after I got into this accident
They are just helping me get back to where I want to be

Shannon L. Cogswell