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Jodi "bella"

This swelling in my brain hurts like hell.
It has taken my soul, it is yours to sell.
The person I was has died.
Into the black hole she fell.

It does exist, this pain I feel
It feasts on me like i am a full course meal.

It's all about doctors, pills and much, much more
Don't tell me I am normal
You have not felt my sorrow.

Alone, I pray
God I will trust and obey.
Please send me my angel to hold on to my today.
" Don't worry my sweet " she will say " Everything will be ok"

My memorie is lost, my path is dark.
Please guide me to the light and show me my way!

Jodi Jan./26/96

My Fear
Listen to my tale for it must be told.
Your eyes must be open look into my soul.

The life I knew was taken.
I was helpless to the black night.
A moment of destiny, bound
to awaken me with confusion and fright.

It can happen to you, for it has happened to me.
It is my disease you cannot see.
It is my haunting night and day.
Disease is in my head,
"Brain swelling" professionals say.

My soul was hunted, replaced by the black hole.
It sucks me into that place; I can only describe as cold.
Without judgement it fades my little light.
Again,I am defenceless and unable to fight.

Family and friends,
hold onto me tight.
It is me it wants and for you to lose sight.

Understand it is not me.
You must listen, hold me near.
I will run for cover,I will find my mask
I will pop those pills.
I will hold you close for as long as they hide my fear.

Jodi Jan.10/98

Grounded For Life
As I walk through life a disaster, a mess.
I watch my friends,
they laugh, they cry.
This angers me.
Tell me reasons for I don't know why.

So much we take for granted.
to many hurt words said.
So much fiction we beleive in, too little fact.

Thankful for God has left, although grievivg behind a locked door
For what has been taken is missed' destroyed.
I don't know why.

Too much confusion I can't possibly connect.
Dreams forgotten
Lost personality, for this I would wish an evil penny upon.
Can they not hear the sad song ringing in my ears?
Failure is what that evil demon sings.

As I open my eyes too much is not the same.
Nineteen years of life
I used to love the game of gain.
Now when I take a shot it is sideways and out of aim.
"Be positive" others say.
If only failure would let loose it's chains.

Instinct and fright have made me love the black night.
For I am scared of seeing more loss in my sight

So I will be here curled up, kept safe and warm.
I am here!
Behind the wall!
It is my protection, my prison of lonely thought.
Far enough away from the fairytale dreams I once so despretly sought.

Jodi Jan. 5/95