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Heather "angel" Condon

All suggestions gone
All solutions lost
standing on the edge of tomarrow
my heart facing downward
my soul wanting to fly!!
For one split moment everything would be RIGHT
my mind would be more clearer than ever before I WOULD BE PERFECT
and this life that i live now would make sense
I would no longer be left behind
I would no longer be left behind

By Heather "angel" Condon

Maybe one of these days i'll get the hang of this thing
This living thing.
The dance of life
I'll look the rite way....................Say the rite thing
Shut my mouth.........................Stay at that some job
Pick the rite numbers................Find that winter medalion
Stay in school..........................Finish or GRADUATE SOMETHING
Have the kids AFTER marriage the "rite"way
Not have ben on the rode at 6:15......... or...............August 29th
Left a little later........................Stopped to pee

. Now it's all changed
Everything has changed and it dosn't matter
Nothing reely maters
I can't go back
I wish I coud cuz nothing is rite
I can't get nothing rite
I do NOTHING rite
I am a sorry excuse for a shoud have been.........but didn't
Did i have something to proove
If i did.................................I forgot what it was
I coudn't have prooved it anyways
And I coudn't have tried even if I had been asked
I coudn't have gotten it rite anyways
How coud I when even the change in the weather makes me scream
So when my dauter asks......Let her knoe it wasn't HER fault
I wasn't her fault
There wasn't a choice..........It was always HER
I just wasn't picked
That's okay
So maybe one of these lifetimes I'll get the hang of it
I'll get it rite
This living thing
Only then tho..............As my luck seems to be
I'll be dead

By Heather "angel" Condon

i let my head drop--to let my tears fall like rain onto my hands
that are clinched with rage
clenched with pain
anyoneone else
someplase different
i'd rather be than where i am no mater what i wish for or how much money i can put down it dosnt change
i still close my eyes at nite when i sleep
and then i still wake up to her
i mean me
the grass is never greener on the other side
ive been on both
their still dull
but i still compare feeling dull to being dull
and thats just me
stuck inside a halloween costume that i cant take off
forever walking in shoes too small
thats just me
complaining again
can you come at all closser see inside
im all alone wanting out
wanting back in the old head
but its not the same
my salty tears make my open wounds ache with pain
the wounds theyll never heel
i do anything to stop this wach to turn around begin for reel
but i cant
and i dont want to axept this one
i wont exept this one
just can't someone lean into me open the shades clear my thouts and say
i promise
and maybey ill try to believe.

By Heather "angel" Condon

my word used to sing loude like an operah
with what i wrote i coud make you
laff as strong as a huricane
weep from deep within your sole
my words strung shortley was a thank you card or a jingel
my words stung long coud be a storey of your life
talent! evryone said a talent that woud makes me rich
rich with money
or at leest with desire
my words wer my therapey
i wrote happy when iwas happy
i wrote sad wheni was sad
and wheni didnt write i was all confused inside
that was before
all thos words died august 29
the words that are left in a injured messed up brain are
and you cant even reed them
but these new words can do somethig that will remind you of long ago
these new words can make you cry
cry for the forever lost song that i coud of wrote
becuz my words used to sing loude like an operah
but now they just mumbel quietley like a memorey

By Heather "angel" Condon jan 1999

you on the ouside looking in
why does she do that you wonder to yourself
why does she acst so funny
why don't she just stop "this" and be "herself"
you SCREEM ------------------------------STOP BEING DUMB
why is she being so bumb she knows how to--

deal with peeple

she never used to studder
she never used to get "stuck" on a word or something
she never used to forget things
i on the inside looking out
i think to myself i remember how i used to be
i could do anything anywhere at anytime and i never forgot ANYTHING
i loved everyone i couldtalk to anyone and i nevr got "stuck" on a word or studder
and i could spell ANYTHING

just remeber as you look at me and yell at me an call me dumb and difficult or
your just on the outside looking in,
but im on the inside just looking out JUST WANTING OUT
you have no idea what its like and you prolly dont want to and you prolly never will
but i do. i do.I LIVE HERE
so as you look with pitty or digust remember IM DOOING THE BEST THAT I CAN

By Heather "angel" Condon